• Mon, Mar 22 2010

In Defense Of Flat Chests

When I was in college at the University of Illinois, girls would wear lingerie-inspired tops, flaunt their va-va-voom cleavage and get all kinds of attention from the opposite sex. Meanwhile, I could not compete: My chest is flatter than flat, and as Debra Messing once quipped on Will And Grace, “As I hard as I push them together, there is no crease” or something to that effect. (I feel you, Debra!).  My lack of boobage was a liability on my campus. One time as I walked down Green Street, a stupid frat boy yelled out, “You need bigger boobs!”; I retorted, “You need a bigger dick!” Not that I knew, of course, but that was the only response I could muster at the time. His words stung, and I began to cry.

Why is being flat-chested considered unsexy and a flaw? And while we’re judging here, why do girls think that busting out in tacky going-out-gear is sexier than covering up in a striped boatneck top?

My idea of sexy was different, obviously. While ample breasts generally ruled on campus, I began to embrace my perceived flaw as a positive: I would never have back problems, like my DDD-cup classmate who was forced to get a breast reduction or face  serious health issues down the road; guys would ALWAYS stare at my face instead of my rack (seriously, this must be annoying for you well-endowed ladies); and, if I wanted to, I could wear low-cut things without looking like JWOWW from Jersey Shore.

Although thousands of A-cups get plastic surgery to transform into C-and-D cups, that was never an option for me. I can’t really afford them but also, believe it or not, I’m happy with what Mother Nature gave me. And it has been infuriating for me to watch young women succumb to societal pressure to “go bigger” and thus sexier; Heidi Montag, half of Hollywood and possibly Ali Lohan are leading this charge, and more women are jumping on the plastic-surgery bandwagon/epidemic.

So upon learning that the fourth installment of Pirates Of the Caribbean requested that actresses submit to a jiggle test to prove their breasts are real, I felt immediately validated! Finally, movie producers  and image makers were laying down the law: No fake boobs allowed. This is a step in the right direction since American marketers digitally enhanced Pirates star Keira Knightley’s breasts for promotional material. And it’s another positive step toward building women’s confidence to embrace what they have — even if they got nothin.’

Do you have a flat chest, and are you tired of the national preference for bigger boobs? Want to grow self-esteem without surgically growing your cup size? Look no further than such mosquito-bitten stars as Keira, Debra, Kate Hudson, Selma Blair and Cameron Diaz.

That should shut up the haters. Got a story to share on this topic? Please leave your comments below!

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  • Tom

    I absolutely love small, sweet breasts on women. Some of the most beautiful women are delicious A cups. I’ve cursed out actresses who have ruined their beautiful figures by having their breasts augmented and reminisce their older movies while shunning their newer…bigger works.
    So all you guys looking at huge boobies then enjoy! And leave the real beauties for me!!

  • Carmen Miranda

    Erin, thanks for bringing this topic up. I have no breast tissue at all. I am just a nipple. Why do women consider themselves flat, when they actually have something. I guess I am flatter than flat? I remember too the comments and stares, like I was disfigured. I spent most of my time with a shirt on if I wanted to be with a guy. I would be mortified if they actually saw them. Do any of you feel that it is a turnoff to have my kind of breasts. Should I care? How can I feel more confident. I really want to be ok with what I have but struggle.

  • Andrew

    Absolutely not, Carmen! I think smaller breasts are very sexy. Even completely flat! Large breasts only look good with a bra on, but as soon as it comes off they sag and look terrible, especially as they get older. And fake breasts don’t sag, but they look unnatural, so its no more attractive than looking at a Barbie doll. With small or flat breasts you can be sexy no matter how much, or little, clothing you have on. And Erin, my idea of sexy is the same as yours. Of course the girls who dress like sluts are going to get all the attention from the frat boys, but the guys who are actually worth getting attention from appreciate a girl with some class, and who shows it in her dress. Personally, I find a girl who dresses modestly way more attractive than one who shows off her goods.

  • jess

    i absolutely agree, i myself have a a cup and when i was younger i used to be self concious; but when i was about 14 i started looking at high fashion models and then i realised that they all have small boobs since they look better in clothes and make girls look thinner and more elegant. now i love my boobs and guys ususally show more interest in me than my larger breasted friends, for anyone out there feeling self concious

  • Bob

    I’m one guy who LOVES ladies with sleek chests (I REFUSE to use the word flat chests). If someone wants to see large mammary glands, I suggest they go to a dairy farm!
    I have found that, usually, ladies with sleek chests have much nicer bodies; slim, trim, and gorgeous. Occasionally, at the gym, I see a very pretty young lady, usually wearing a sports bra-type top with awesome abs, who is a shapely AA cup; she truly is the essence of beauty, working hard to get those great abs. Fortunately, her gorgeous sleek chest was a wonderful gift of nature!
    So, despair not if thou hast a sleek chest, but be thankful. You wont sag; you won’t be uncomfortable with bounce when running; you’ll look awesome in your swimsuit. And….there are guys like me who will look admiringly at your sleek chest because…ladies with sleek chests are beautiful!

  • Carmen Miranda

    How nice it is to know that all hope is not lost. You are, unfortunately, like a needle in the haystack for women like me. Your words have become my warm embrace.

  • Kelly

    I must say thanks to all who read and post. I had an augmentation done four years ago. I was modest about it and though no one would have ever guessed it, as the years went by, I felt even less self confident than I did without being “stacked”. I missed the beauty of my former NATURAL self and am proud to say that I’ll be going back soon! Growing to love what was given to me by mother nature there just isn’t room for those balloons anymore! I look forward to rejoining my A cup ranks!

  • Carmen Miranda

    Kelly, good luck. I hope our explantation goes well and you enjoy your natural self all over again.

  • a lover

    Andrew, Bob, you’re my heroes! You already said it all, just let me add a “me too!” I certainly do not choose my girlfriend by breast size, but of course, an erotic attraction does not hurt :-) And when it comes to this, I just totally fall for small breasts. Anything from just tips to A size is gorgeous in my eyes. And in virtually all shapes they come, as long as they are small.
    And please spare me those plastic horrors! If I would like to caress a manikin, I’ll buy one.
    Carmen, it’s always the same argument: Larger breasts for augmenting self esteem? That’s like sending a friend’s picture to set up a date. Catalog templates to boost personality and character?Where is that self esteem supposed to come from? From the plastic? When you tie self esteem to plastic boobs, will you ever feel that it’s really you they like? Or will you always feel that sting telling you that it’s just that butchers job someone did to your formerly lovely breasts they are staring at?
    Please, keep your breasts as they are. I’m sure they are just great! Feel free to prove me wrong ;-)

  • James

    Why my peers go on and on about large breasts will never know. I don’t understand the fascination. Without a support they sag to the ground, they can make a woman appear whorish when exposed with revealing dress, and they move arounds like fat little creatures when they move. Tons of guys like the small ones–even if they don’t say it.

  • Christian

    I absolutely LOVE and PREFER women with smaller chests. There is just something so much more attractive about it. Plus I just can’t shake the thought of what age and gravity will eventually do to the larger ones. But regardless of whether they are large or small and regardless of age or gravity or kids, they ALWAYS look better natural! An ex of mine had fake breasts and I hated it. They looked and felt wrong.

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