• Fri, Mar 12 2010

‘Real Housewives’ Doll Recap: ‘She Grew A Penis’

It was Labor Day Weekend on Real Housewives last night, and there was no time for relaxation — just drama stirred up women who do nothing all day but plan charity galas, inject Botox and talk smack.

Basically, the episode was painfully glorious and had us on the edge of our discount tomato-red loveseat.

The Housewives were divided into two Labor Day camps: Those that chose to dine at Ramona and Mario’s Hamptons manse (Alex and Simon, Bethenny and Jason) and those that opted to hang out with the single and lonely Countess at her country home (Jill, Kelly and Jill’s husband Bobby). The claws were out and the talk was vicious. Jill hates former BFF Bethenny for saying she needed a hobby; Bethenny wonders why Jill can’t just be happy for her now that she’s in love with her new man. This is why Jill chickened out on going to Ramona’s for Labor Day (which was awkward enough as is). Jill used Countess’ beef with Ramona’s husband Mario as an excuse, and so she and Countess formed a Survivor-esque alliance against Ramona and Bethenny, dragging Kelly into their bitchy fold. Then again, Kelly can never resist a Bethenny hatefest (“She invented that margarita. She has issues.”)

Meanwhile, Alex and wannabe Housewife Simon were caught in the middle. Ramona freaked out because Alex/Simon wanted to party-hop over to Countess’ house, thereby indirectly sabotaging her soiree (and giving Countess that satisfaction). “Simon hasn’t seen Jill all weekend,” Alex argued. Not one to spark drama, Alex cowed to Jill’s diva demands and stayed at her party.

Countess and Jill were furious. IT’S WAR.

As Mario said over dinner, “They’ve drawn a line in the sand.”

And as Bethenny snarked, “The Countess, like, lost her husband and grew a penis.”

Here’s our favorite scenes, as reenacted by Crushable’s panel of Barbie Housewives (and a lint roller, who will be playing the part of Jason).

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