• Wed, Mar 10 2010

I Vajazzled And I Liked It

VajazzleVajazzling, for the uninitiated, consists of affixing crystals to a woman’s vagina. Sound fun? Our anonymous reporter Robin Sparkles thinks so. Here, she recounts her adventures in vajazzling.

When I first heard Jennifer Love Hewitt utter the phrase “vajazzling” on Lopez Tonight, I was intrigued and full of a million questions. What did it feel like? What did it look like? How long did it last? I thought about it constantly for weeks. Then I decided to do it.

First, a little background about me. I’ve been getting bikini waxes religiously for the past several years, so the thought of going completely hairless down there was not too foreign of a concept for me. Adding some crystals into the mix wasn’t too much of a leap either. I did some quick Googling and discovered Completely Bare, a salon in New York City, that claimed to be “where the vajazzle all started!” I called and made an appointment for a bikini wax with flair (that’s what they call it there) and started mentally preparing myself for the transformation.

I started telling everyone I knew about my plans. My roommates and girlfriends were supportive and excited — almost more excited than I was. They wanted someone to test the waters and report back. Several women even asked me if they could see it after it was done. My guy friends had a completely different reaction. One told me that if a girl he was seeing surprised him with a bejeweled vag he would think she was cheating on him. Another asked me what the point of it all was. “There is actually no good reason to get this done,” I answered. Except curiosity, and because you like shiny things. It’s like covering your Blackberry with Swarovski crystals. What’s the point?

By the time my appointment came around, I was giddy but nervous. My aesthetician Alicia offered me four choices of flair: a butterfly in either white or purple crystals, a white crystal heart and a pink starburst. I picked the starburst because I liked it best and I liked the color. Alicia told me the pink would look great on my skin after the redness from the bikini wax wore off. She told me that the demand for flair had noticeably increased since Jennifer Love’s George Lopez interview.

After my Brazilian bikini wax, Alicia affixed the flair right above my vagina. It came in temporary tattoo form, which Alicia placed on me after first rinsing the area with rubbing alcohol. (This didn’t hurt although Alicia told me some women found it painful.) She used a tongue depressor to push down on the crystals (that hurt) and then I was all set. Completely Bare guarantees that the flair will stay on for five days, so I was instructed to return if any fell off during that time frame. I was also told not to scrub the area while I was in the shower or with a towel afterward, as that would make the crystals come off.

I was happy to have the guarantee, because the procedure sure was not cheap. Completely Bare sells its crystal temporary tattoos, which they get specially made for them, for $25. You can pay $33 to have them apply it without a wax, but I paid $120 for a wax and everything — all before I tipped Alicia. Despite the cost, I was ecstatic with my vajazzle. On my way home, I was very aware of the fact that I had just had crystals glued to my vagina. I felt like I had a juicy little secret, and only I could decide who to tell. It was fun.

My skin was still red from the wax, but I showed my roommates as soon as I got home anyway. They were surprised at its size — I think they thought it would be bigger and more intricate. One roommate wondered why the crystals didn’t go down along the sides of my vagina, instead of just being along the top, on the skin above the folds. I don’t think I would ever want something glued to that part of my body.

Later that night, I got a call from Jason, a guy I had been dating. He asked if I was free in a few days, but I started to worry about how he would react to my new accessory. I heard the voices of my guy friends in my head — would he think I was a slut? Eventually, I came clean and told him about it. He was curious, and we made plans for later in the week.

The next day, I realized that one of the crystals had been affixed improperly, making the design look like one crystal had already fallen off. Later that day, one did actually fall off, sometime after the shower. I thought about going back to Completely Bare, but I decided I was too busy.

Later in the week, Jason and I hung out for a few hours at his place after work. I was tired and wanted to go home but he still hadn’t tried to get me naked. It was no time for respect, I was dying to get his feedback on the vajazzle. “Do you want to see it?” I asked out of the blue. His eyes lit up, so I took off my pants and laid on the bed so he could get a better look. He stared at it for a while, and touched it to feel the raised bumps of the crystals against my skin. “It’s mesmerizing,” Jason said. “This is probably the longest I’ve ever stared at a vagina.” Then we had sex, and none of the crystals fell off.

Having gotten feedback from both women and men, I felt my vajazzle was well worth it. A week after it was applied, it’s still going strong. Now, my hair is starting to grow back, and I’m sure they’ll start to fall off one by one eventually. If not, I’ll have to remove them myself, something I’m sure a little rubbing alcohol can help me with. I’m actually impressed they’ve lasted this long, and I’m trying to see how long they will stay in place. The experience may have been pricey, but it was fun and different. I would definitely recommend it — especially for a special occasion like a birthday or wedding night — and I’ll definitely be doing it again myself.

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  • NO NO NO

    Please learn what your vagina is.

    “Vajazzling, for the uninitiated, consists of affixing crystals to a woman’s vagina.”
    No, it’s not. That would mean the woman had crystals affixed internally.

    “I was very aware of the fact that I had just had crystals glued to my vagina”
    No you weren’t, because THEY WEREN’T GLUED TO YOUR VAGINA.

    Words mean things.

  • k

    Thank you to the previous commenter for restoring my faith in humanity. I was so pissed reading this post.

  • A

    This is sad. So, so sad…

  • Lucy

    Thank you for this post, it was really lovely and informative.

    I do agree with the above comments that not knowing the names of your body parts is shocking. It also made the first line “Vajazzling, for the uninitiated, consists of affixing crystals to a woman’s vagina.” incredibly intriguing and totally deceptive.

    Imagine if crystals were actually affixed to a vagina… ouch!

    Thanks again.
    Lucy

  • wow

    this is just… the most vapid thing i’ve ever read. most men would never find this attractive. also, i like to be able to scrub my vagina.

  • David

    I’m one of those typical men I guess. I don’t even understand why women shave, I mean I can deal with the hair when I need to do something there, it’s not a problem. Ridiculous idea to go thru all the shaving, risk ingrown hairs, etc. etc. in my humble opinion.

    The biggest message from this is: do women decorate that area for each other?? One of those feminine mysteries we men will never understand I guess …

    Glad you enjoyed it, that’s what counts.

  • eloise

    Vagina means the hole inside. Vulva is the proper term for the outside. duh.

  • Amanda Niescior

    I would like to use this article on my website.

    Can you please send me an email address for the person whom I have to contact to make use of this?

    Would like to send a formal letter for permission.

    A response would be appreciated.

    Best Regards,

    Amanda