One Guy’s Opinion: The Upside To Booty Text

TextingDavid Schlink offers a counterpoint to our rant against late night texting.

So I will be really honest here: not only have I been known to late night drunk text, I pretty much only communicate through drunken late-night texting. Little known fact: I actually invented the late night drunken sexual text advance. It was one night in college when I decided that I was done trying to call a girl and randomly explain that I wanted company for the night. At this point in my life, I had women in one contact group and men in another. I sent out a group text to every girl I knew saying “Hey, just got home and can’t sleep, what are you up to?” This single text led to two things: 1) getting laid and 2) an awkward response from one of my best friend’s moms.

After this initial success, a wave of late-night texting struck the nation, and the girls on my contact list. And, I was able to make my contact list a lot more specific. No longer would I be sending out drunk texts to anyone and everyone. I had categories: girls who it worked on, girls who hated me (the largest list) and girls who had morals, i.e. the “do not drunk text”-list (although the last two could probably be combined). Realizing that I could very easily increase my chances at getting some action, I continued and perfected this behavior. At any one time, with the right combination of text, alcohol, and late night loneliness, I could have a girl to spend the night with.

This led me to the revelation that I hated how easy it was. There should be some sense of accomplishment with getting a girl to agree to let you into her temple (that’s right, I called it a temple). If I can send out three or four texts at 4 a.m., and continually pull in some carnal comfort, either I am getting much more attractive as I get older, or girls are getting a lot more desperate. I not only hope for the desperation, but proudly take some of the credit for causing it as well.

I think what it all boils down to is this: the people who are in this situation are all kind of in the same boat. I am texting a girl because I don’t have one next to me. When I am in a relationship, there is nothing better than waking up every morning and looking at this beautiful girl I love. When I don’t have that to look forward to, I try to fill the void. The girl answering my text is also alone, maybe missing her ex, and missing that feeling of comfort that she found in his arms. It is kind of like buying a fake bag or a fake Rolex. Sure, you may enjoy the looks you get from people, but deep down inside you know you are just trying to shunt the eventual slip off this grand mortal coil.

So next time you get that text, just do what you want…you only live once.

(Photo by Comstock)

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    • Hunter_S

      That was not a counterpoint at all! Is it so unthinkable that anyone (male or female) would want to have casual sex not because they’re lonely and miserable but because they simply *like* casual sex? Believe it or not, not everyone is looking for a relationship with everyone they do it with at all times. It’s fine to share your experiences from your p.o.v., but this article seems dangerously universalizing. It is entirely possible to both “have morals” and enjoy a casual fuck once in a while, and to suggest otherwise is downright anti-feminist.

      • Amanda Ernst

        My point was not anti-casual sex, it was anti-late night text. It is possible to plan to get together with someone casually before midnight — even if you’re planning to meet up at the end of the night. Right?

    • Hunter_S

      Sometimes you’re, uh, busy and stuff earlier. Remember, THIS PERSON MEANS NOTHING TO YOU. Would you really want to waste a night that you could be spending out with your friends? I wouldn’t.