Why Does Rory Shun Lorelai?

In ‘A Messenger, Nothing More‘, we find out that Rory has shunned Lorelai for a great portion of the summer. While she’s off in Europe, she sends many postcards to Luke… but nothing to Lorelai. No phone call, no postcards.


When Rory returns from Europe, she does apologize to Lorelai. However, if she became “sorry” at some point in Europe, don’t you think she would have called? Or let her mom know, even via postcard, that she was ok? I think she would have called the second she realized she was being silly. That seems more “Rory” to me. Don’t you think?

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    • Ashley

      Just a note, I think the postcards were meant for Lane, which she hung in the dinner because she was working there and wanted to share. Post cards to a best friend… makes sense huh?

      Lane had been there for her in the initial Dean drama and there was no conflict there. I think at that point she was still upset and ashamed of what happened with Dean (Lorelai wasn’t about to let her brush it off). Besides, if she was sending the postcards to Luke don’t you think he would have told Lorelai about it? So it wouldn’t make sense if she was shunning her mom. At that point she was still running from the mess she made, talking to Lorelai would be to confront that and she wasn’t ready.

    • cheri

      I agree with Ashley that the postcards were to Lane and she was just sharing them with the town. However, although I don’t know if Rory knew that Luke was out of town helping Liz and TJ (the exact same amount of time that Rory was gone), but if she was sending them to Luke, Lane would have seen them and put them up. And Luke couldn’t have told Lorelai about them because he couldn’t have know about them.

      As far as phone calls, Emily and a reluctant Rory did call Lorelai every few days to let her know what was on their agenda and that they were doing fine.

      As far as Rory shunning Lorelai, I feel that Rory was dealing with a lot in her head. The whole thing with Dean and what it meant, the fight with Lorelai and thinking that if she brought it up with her that Lorelai would just start the fight up again. I am thinking she was feeling a bit guilty/ashamed for what she and Dean did and probably other things as well. I think that she felt she had to figure it out for herself before she could go to Lorelai and talk about it which she did. She figured that she had to fix it and get the letter to Dean and she called Lorelai up and apologized and asked if Lorelai could help her with the letter.

    • ggfan

      her mom ruined her moment and rory needed someone to blame for her actions

    • Collins

      I agree with ggfan. I think it was simply because she knew she did wrong and she needed come one to blame

    • Alia

      I agree that Rory decided to go away and figure things out away from Lorelai and Dean. Rory would’ve been ashamed about sleeping with Dean, who was married at the time. Rory did call when she was sorry and then she sent the letter to Lorelai to give to Dean. So Rory was shunning Lorelai to figure out a way to fix the mess that was created.

    • mcityrk

      “Shunning” seems like a strange choice of expression since that implies the person who is refusing to talk believes they have the moral high-ground in choosing not to talk. Clearly Rory does not believe that as she knows her qustionable behavior was the cause of the rift between her and Lorelai. But she did need some time to get over her anger/disappointment at Lorelai’s strong negative reaction to her behavior with Dean and she needs some mental respite to try to get her head back on her shoulders before trying to repair the damage.

      When she finally acted, she got it half right. The phone apology to Lorelai was believable and effective and Lorelai was so relieved she was quick to forgive. However the letter to Dean was cowardly [can you say bawk, bawk, bawk...] as its contents should have been delivered in person. Additionally, it was tactically moronic as it left open the possibility that her smoking gun would be seen by the one person who would be hurt the most by the ill-fated affair and further injure Dean/Lindsay in an irreversible fashion. [Unless as a conspiracy theorist you think that was Rory's plan all along!!]

    • aleesha

      Rory did call her mother during her trip in Europe. She apologized for running away from her mom, and she wanted her mother to give a letter to Dean telling him she was taking herself out of the picture. and mcityrk, I don’t think Rory planned anything. Dean had to make a decision between leaving Lindsay and getting Rory back. My question is if Lindsay didn’t see the letter would Dean have left her? Or would he be the chicken and make her break up with him?