Who Did Rory Blow It With?

In ‘Raincoats and Recipes‘, Rory is once again conflicted about Jess and Dean. She talks about how perfect Jess was, though he has already ditched her twice. At the same time, she talks about how she always knew Dean would be there. You put those two together, and you see Rory’s dilemma – the guys are both perfect in opposite ways. What Rory is really looking for is a combination of Jess and Dean, don’t you think?


Anyway, in this episode, Rory says to Lane, “I blew it.” Who do you think Rory meant she blew it with? With Dean or with Jess? Or is she referring to them both?

Watch this episode of Gilmore Girls on TheWB.com here.

Image: TheWB.com

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    • Ang

      As much as it pains me to say this, being a huge Rory and Jess fan, I think she meant she blew it with Dean. At this point she had re-kindled her feelings for Dean and was realizing their mistakes in the past, with the relationship between her and Dean. I however wish she was saying it about Jess.

    • Marie

      I’m not sure I understand this question, or maybe I don’t understand the issue (as shocked as Lorelai). She specifically says the phrase “I think I really blew it there, you know? I didn’t appreciate it.” about Dean when Lane says he loved her, but…

      I think Arieanna is absolutely right in suggesting that a combination of Dean and Jess would seem “perfect,” but no human being is perfect, and the series did a good job in trying to explain that, especially through young people who talk this way. It’s silly, excessively romantic language that sets people up for failure. Yes, it would be nice to have someone who shares our passions, who’s handsome or beautiful, who excites us, and who is stable, dependable, kind and loyal, but it’s a lot to expect one person to be that kind of “perfect.”

      And I don’t think Rory ever said that about Jess or Dean. What I saw in the episode was that Rory said “When I first met Jess, I thought, “What could be better than this? He’s smart, good taste in books and music, so cute.” Not only is this NOT perfect, she clearly realizes she had idealized and romanticized Jess based on first impressions. And then she described Dean as “safe” and “dependable” and “nice.” This does not sound like perfect to me, or love, for that matter.

      To be fair to Rory, at this point she did nothing to “blow it” with Jess. With one exception (“the black eye” incident), she was relentlessly apologetic, passive, and supportive as they dated, and then he left her. Nothing he did in this season could be said to be realistic in expecting her to act on his declaration of love (before running) and asking her to leave school.

      What she sabotaged with Dean is picking someone because he’s “there” for her, dependable and safe — and this IS who she says she blew it with, because she didn’t appreciate it (Is she that hurt or fragile that she needs this so badly?). It is a very antiquated and old-school reason to pick a mate, at least for a woman.

      Lorelai told her she was holding Jess up to Dean’s standard of kindness, and she told Jess if he didn’t start behaving better he would lose Rory. And Rory had Dean and pined for Jess because Dean was not exciting enough. Expecting either to be everything to her may have been her very “romantic” problem.

      For me, I can only say I prefer the shared passion and attraction and would prefer to accept flaws, to take people for who they are — and to depend on myself. Because picking someone because they’re dependable and safe is not fair to them, and it ends up hurting them when the passion is missing and they get rejected for not being “perfect.”

      I think this is one of the shows virtues, in showing what happened to Dean and Luke for these very reasons.

    • Marie

      I should add, one of my favorite moments in Season 5 is when Lorelai is even having to explain this idea to Emily and Richard (in “How Many Kropogs…”).

      She’s the only one in the Gilmore universe who seems to be sane on this issue — “no one is” — she says about Logan or anyone being “perfect” for Rory.

      If only she saw Rory’s imperfections more clearly and intervened… but then that would make Lorelai “perfect”, and she’s right … no one is.

    • frannyandzoey

      I have always considered that what Rory wanted to say with the “blew it” thing is that she regrets choosing JESS OVER DEAN(it breaks my heart saying this but it’s true…) She feels she didn’t appreciate the love Dean had for her and didn’t treat him like she should when they were together. Jess was interesting and exciting, with whom she shared her passions (at first sight-perfect: “what could be better than this?”) but he hurt her and left her; in the end the fact that Dean is dependable, and was always there for her counts more for her.

      At that point of her life Rory was confused, she was always used to be loved and paid attention; her first year at yale was hard so she felt more than never the importance of someone being there and helping you (remember her break down in ep. 14 when Dean was there to comfort her. also there where the first signs of regret that she gave up of her relationship with him-” I was horrible to you, and now you’re married to someone nice and WHO’S NOT ME and not a failure”).

      Jess telling her that he loves her and then drove off or proposing to come with him in new york and leave everything behind wasn’t what she wanted. She was frustrated because of him. So she let go of her feelings (because I think she still had feelings for Jess, just she was tired of his constant instability) and focused on Dean, which made her feel safe. But I don’t think that she rekindled her love for Dean; she just cared about him and more important, she liked Dean being there “no mater what happened”. The best evidence that she didn’t love him again was when Logan appeared (the excitement) and forgot completely about Dean…

      I don’t like how Rory handles these situations, she’s so weak here…I know that nobody is perfect, and makes mistakes but I don’t know…I just feel she is so out of character, that I think her sleeping with Dean had more to do with the ratings of the show than to Rory herself…

    • Josh

      On the last question, I think it’s really clear from the dialogue. I just watched the episode on DVD. She clearly says she blew it when Lane says Dean loved her. She says she blew it “there” and didn’t appreciate “it” (Dean’s love) in the same sentence, so contextually she means Dean. But as Marie says, it’s weird: she apparently admits he loved her, but just tells Lane he’s nice and dependable.

      On this, I guess I part with frannyandzoey only in the aftermath of it all. I can accept that Rory was so hurt by Jess and had such limited experience that she let herself refocus on Dean, partly because she had so little confidence in her ability to get another guy (?!?) and because Dean was so devoted to her. And I can accept her getting carried away, getting signs from Dean his marriage was almost over, and that she was turned on enough to sleep with him in the heat of the moment.

      What perplexes is me, I think as others have said, is that not only is Rory not capable of seeing that she is weak, but Lorelai is so protective and prepared to see Rory as a victim that she can’t seem to admit that Rory has real problems. And neither of them want to talk about it, which is what they do best. (And it could have been funny, Lorelai trying not to admit Rory’s unstable when asked point blank).

      Lorlelai is as calm as a parent could be expected to be in this situation, trying to get through to her smart daughter, but she can clearly see she’s irrational, and even though she was madder before when Rory missed her graduation, she could see the same freakout there, and of course we know what happens in Season 5 and she sees it again. Lorelai bites her tongue (or a pillow, hilariously) obviously because she doesn’t want another rift with Rory, but once the rift happened, or Rory says “I was so stupid/had a stroke/was so wrong”, she goes back to laughing with her and pretending she doesn’t need therapy. I can’t believe Amy and Dan couldn’t write a line where Lorelai says at some point, “I love you more than my life but we have to talk about this…. you’ve got a problem, kid.”

      Because if Rory can see that she “blew it” with Dean — she says she did — can she not see how off the charts she did it — running to New York for a secret meeting with Jess, kissing Jess at Sookie’s wedding, pretending to stay with Dean while she was obsessed with Jess, then flipping out when Lorelai told her she was hurting Dean. She even crawled up a tree to tell Dean she didn’t know why she treated him the way she did, and she admitted she hurt him.

      She’s not a stupid young woman, and her memory can’t be that short. And NOW she can’t see that the real reason she “blew it” is that she’s out of control whenever her emotions over boys are evolved — and is about to do it again?

      “Blew it” is her understatement of the series.

    • catherine

      i don’t even know how to start here.

      i really hated watching the end of the 4th season..
      rory really did love jess, not dean, i think her and dean began to grow apart in the second season, even before jess arrived they were already having problems, and rory was slowly begining to realize she doesn’t love him anymore. anyway, rory loves jess, she knows she does and jess knows she does, i think if jess hadn’t come begged her to come away with him, and leave everything she has, then it could’ve worked. but she couldn’t do that, and she was too hurt and afraid from the times he’s hurt her by leaving her in the past, she knew she wanted to be with him, but was too scared that he would leave her again. rory only got back together with dean because she knew he was “safe” (dependable, would always be there, never leave her, trusting) but she still didn’t love him. and it was a horrible decision. when shes telling lane about jess and dean, she talks about jess being so amazing (she loves him, but dosen’t feel safe) but dean just being dependable (she doesn’t love him, just feels safe with him).

      bottom line, her and jess are meant to be. the timing was just never right, and they both made mistakes, which is why there needs to be a movie so they can finally have their happy ending.

    • mcityrk

      Rory was my favorite character in the series and I was always ticked-off with the writers for the relative ease with which they would conveniently slip Rory into wimp/victim mode for what seemed to be strictly dramatic effect. The lows she could drop to and screw-ups she could commit in almost the time it takes to flip a coin usually struck me as false. Certainly Rory-like behavior occurs every day in the real world for real people. However it is improbable to me that it could occur as a ever-repeating pattern for someone who was as talented, intelligent, and successful as Rory was portrayed to be. Anyone blowing up/out that frequently and constantly having to make dramatic comebacks would probably either burn-out or at least run off all their friends in a short time without achieving the level of success that was shown for Rory. Neither of these things happens here. A truly successful Rory should have required a never-quit mentality [responding positively to short-term roadblocks like unexpected grades or treacherous colleagues] and always standing up for herself when faced with adversity [Mitchem’s critique, irregular love-life pattern]. To periodically show Rory as having so little self-confidence and self-reliance and even at times letting someone else set her agenda always brought out disbelief for me.

    • Marscheline

      “bottom line, her and jess are meant to be. the timing was just never right, and they both made mistakes, which is why there needs to be a movie so they can finally have their happy ending.”

      Catherine, I don’t agree with you here because if Rory and Jess had been meant to be together she would have never fallen in love with Logan, don’t you think? “The timing was just never right?” Really? Never? And how about the time when they had problems with Logan and she came to see how’s Jess going and Logan was on the trip? Normally the time should be perfect, but it wasn’t. There was just a small problem – she loved Logan, not Jess.

      Also in episode ‘A Vineyard Valentine’ she realized that Logan could be THE ONE for her and Luke could be for Lorelai and she told Lorelai about that. She never had this thought about Jess or Dean. Am I right?

      (Sorry for any mistakes)

    • Marie

      To mcityrk,

      That is very well said. I completely agree, and I don’t understand why it happened, except as you say for dramatic effect? I suppose we will never know if this is the loss of the writing team giving Amy and Dan input about how to do drama without loss of character, or if Amy and Dan drove those writers away with these decisions.

      This was the last episode with Sheila Lawrence, John Stephens, Chris Long and Jane Espenson as part of the team. I also just realized it is the last episode with the full foursome of Gilmores at Friday Night Dinner until the end of Season 5, and there are also I think only two such dinners in Season 6, one of them being the big reunion dinner.

      Amy always seemed to laugh in interviews that she didn’t want to see Rory as a stripper and wanted her to be Christiane Amanpour, but seemed completely out of touch with how women, especially, have to work hard in a profession other than comedy. By Season 6, Rory would not bounce back without a “never-quit” mentality, as you say, but by crazy plotlines without explanation.

      Many people successful in small towns must feel overwhelmed when they move up, but if the writers were going to do this, they should have made that part of the comedy, with everyone realizing Rory was not the star she thought she was and we thought she was, but they did not have the courage to do that to her, or maybe if they had, it would have given Rory a waking call to get herself together.

    • frannyandzoey

      the fact that Rory hadn’t thoughts of getting married with Dean or Jess was because she was way too young when she dated them. You would have liked to see Rory married at 17? or 19? And plus, the relationship she had with Logan was the first real, mature relationship she had in her life. At that point(when she says that) she was already living with Logan, which is a huge step in a relationship. she never lived with other boyfriend. of course she thought Logan could be the one, but in the end he wasn’t…

    • isha

      she definitely means that she blew it with dean. but she is seriously delusional at this stage if she thinks that she ever would have developed such strong feelings for jess if dean had been the right guy. i think all this stuff is a very natural and delayed reaction to the horror that was jess taking off and leaving her without a word like that – thank goodness he redeemed himself later.

    • http://www.myspace.com/thathappened thathappened

      You stated it all pretty well, Marie. I completely agree with all your points.

      That’s why I favor Jess as well, I knew he had potential to straighten up eventually, so combining his passion, excitement and new maturity level makes him… near perfect, lol. He’d stil have something going on sometimes, cause of course nobody’s perfect and we all have issues from time to time, but he really became more… kind of makes you proud… :)

    • aleesha

      Jess blew it with Rory by leaving and not telling Rory anything. Rory I think meant she blew it with Dean. Dean was the perfect first boyfriend who absolutely adored her. and so when she talked to lane about who she blew it with I really do think it was Dean she was talking about. and it had nothing to do with Jess.