• Sun, Dec 13 2009

Real Housewives of Orange County Have A Boys Night Out

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Bravo/Kelsey McNeal

Oh, honeys. So much to parse from this episode! For one, this episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was not about the ladies, but truly about the husbands: from Frank Curtin dropping off his “babies” to get a little plastic surgery to Gretchen scoring higher points on her motorcycle licensing exam than Slade, it was all about the men.

Of all the husbands, Don once again is the most reasonable. Vicki has either spent some time in the therapists’ chair or has learned to tone it down on camera. What was interesting about the post-golf discussion where Simon and Jim insisted they were going to Florida with the girls (a conflict I feel is entirely producer-driven) and Donn said he wouldn’t go because he and Vicki have a different marriage, was the fact that this was contrasted with both Tamra and Alexis clearly demonstrating they wanted some freedom. Tamra returned to real estate and Alexis mentioned in a voice over that she didn’t like “sitting on the floor for 9 hours a day.” The point is: Simon and Jim may feel they have their little ladies under their thumbs, but both of the women clearly want to be free.

With that, let’s talk about Alexis taking her 2 year old twins to get mani-pedis, so she can instill in them how “important” it is to “take care of yourself” for all the hot boys the girls are currently meeting while at the park with their nannies. I’d like for Alexis to talk to someone who has experience teaching girls that their looks are the most important things about them. Her name is Lynne Curtin. That kind of parenting has really worked out for Raquel, right? In the end, Alexis figured out that high-maintenance harpy training needs to start at around age 5, as they are currently too young to learn the fine art of making excessive demands of everyone in the customer service industry. All in due time.

Gretchen and Slade took a motorcycle lesson, so they can run that scene of Gretchen screaming like a hyena when she got her Harley at last year’s wrap party YET AGAIN. That clip is becoming this show’s “Kiss My Ass!” which is a reference you’ll only get if you’re a devout watcher of The Soup, so sorry to everyone else. Anyway, Gretchen decided to be a “class clown” and disrupt her classmates’ time, which is exactly what you want when taking a class in an activity that’s extremely dangerous for yourself and others. Watch out for your lives, OC drivers! Here comes Gretchen!

Image: Radar Online, used with permission

Gretchy was far better when having lunch at Charlie Palmer with Alexis. How much do you guys want to be that someone put that waiter up to offering them “the Cougar” drink? They ended up getting the “OC Ladies” drink which is a tequila sunrise, served up in a martini glass, and garnished with tears. The “conversation” was mostly Alexis rambling about her perfect marriage to Jim. She said she would trust Jim to stay faithful while on a boat (perhaps a reference to the photo to the right) with a naked Gretchen. gretchen and jay and jim on a boat. And while Gretchen joked back that she’s “naked all the time,” seriously Alexis, have you seen the photos of Gretchen online? She’s not kidding! She’s always naked!

While Gretchen may have seemed reasonable at that lunch, expressing disbelief at that kind of relationship, she’s totally backtracked in her BravoTV blog entry and now says she would want a relationship similar to Alexis and Jim’s. Oh, Gretchen, you coulda been a contender. I’m not going to touch any of their claims about Christianity and godliness with a 40 foot pole. Sorry, guys. I’ll leave that to you. The scene is really, truly amazing and Gretchen’s looks are priceless. Check it out:

Raquel and Lynne got their mother-daughter plastic surgeries and the only thing I’ll bother to bring up from that sad segment is Alexa emerging as the only Curtin family member with an ounce of brain power left, when she questioned why they were getting surgery when the family was in financial trouble. Frank seems sweet, but stressed beyond belief. For what it’s worth (nothing), Lynne said on Andy Cohen’s talk show later that night that she got a payment plan to pay for the surgeries, and is still making payments.

Finally, the producers drag out the tired old storyline of Gretchen vs Tamra in the last 10 minutes. The blog post that Tamra wanted Gretchen to take down is up in its entirety at Gretchen’s website. I also have a handy-dandy summary here, because let’s say Miss Rossi is not exactly a wordsmith. Simon Barney actually filled in a lot of details of the Jay conflict in his Bravo blog this week, but it looks like as of today, all of those details were deleted. In it, he mentioned a conference call he and Tamra had with Gretchen and Jay, where at the end, Gretchen agreed she would admit to having had a relationship with him, but then shortly thereafter, hooked up with Slade and changed her mind.

Speaking of Simon’s blog, he also throws Vicki under the bus by mentioning that she was caught in a “compromising position” when the girls went to Vegas last season and that he didn’t want Tamra to be around women without “good marital values.” Or, as he spells it, martial values. What if the girls became Ninja assassins? OMG that would rule! Sadly, I think this is another incident in which the Bravo copy editors have utterly failed at their jobs.

Anyway, as usual, I turn to you to hear your thoughts on this episode. Should 2 year olds get mani-pedis? What do you think of the men hijacking the “girls only” trip? And do you want the producers to stop shoving Tamra vs Gretchen down our throats?

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  • Anna

    Bravo needs to take Gretchen off the show. I am so tired of her innocent charade. She clearly was banging Jay. But yet in her conversation with Tamra on the show she said that the only photos were of “New Year’s where she is kissing everyone”. Not so much Gretch.

    I found someone who put together a YouTube vid of all the photos of her and Jay with their tongues down each other’s throats. It was pretty gross.

    I am STILL laughing about Alexis and her “godly” comment. And what’s up with playing up this whole Midwestern values crap? Did her Midwestern “moral values” help her cheat on her first husband with another married man?

    Maria, so true on the comparision between Alexis’s child-rearing techniques and Lynne’s grown daughters!

  • http://bravofan.com Maria Diaz

    Anna, whoever directed/edited this episode was brilliant — the contrast of Alexis taking her 2 year olds to the nail salon vs Lynne and Raquel getting plastic surgery on the same day was genius. Why did Alexis take the girls to a nail salon? Why not just give them some cute nail polish at home? Or wait till they’re older and can sit still? I worry that setting young girls up to be so obsessed with their looks from a young age leads to disaster.

  • http://absurdtosublime.net Absurd

    Simon Barney is trying to put the worms back in the can!
    http://www.absurdtosublime.net/2009/12/13/simon-barneys-spin-control/

  • Danica

    I really enjoy these women. As crazy as they all are, they each present a unique, entertaining perspective on marriage and womanhood.

    For starters, I am highly taken by Alexis. I find her to be so interesting because of her whole submitting to her husband charade. Not many women would come on tv and say the things she says. And unlike other people, I do like the fact that she prides herself on being attractive and fit. She’s proof that just because you’re a mom, it doesn’t mean you can’t do other things like workout. I don’t think it’s a fair comparison to say that Alexis’ daughters will end up like Lynne’s daughters. Lynne is a complete moron. Alexis seems like the kind of mother that will promote loving yourself and Christianity. I don’t think she would let her kids drink. Lynne seems to be desperate to fit into the same size pants as her kids. I don’t think that’s Alexis’ main agenda. She just seems like a fun awesome person, and I’d want to be friends with her.

    I love, love, love Vicki Gunvalson. She is everything I hope to be in life. She works hard, no matter what, and is responsible with her money. For example, she talked about not shopping at La Perla because of the prices, when we all know damn well that she can afford it. And she mentioned that Tamra needs to get a job. I love the fact that Vicki is a smart woman that cares about financial planning. She’s like Suze Orman. Women like Tamra bother me. They pay no attention to finances – simply spend, spend, spend until they don’t have a house anymore. Then they act like lost puppies and expect people to pull them out of that situation. That will never be Vicki, that’ for sure.

    Lynne is a moron, simply put. Her husband must be a dumbass as well for agreeign to pay for that surgery. You can blame the fact that you were evicted on the bad economy, or you can face the music and realize that if you didn’t waste your money on elective surgery, you would still have a home to live in.

    Gretchen is so fake its ridiculous. Whether or not she had a relationship with Jay (all signs point toward she did), she doesn’t need to act like she’s always honest and innocent. I hate when she talks about how she just got the strength to take motorcycle classes. How long did you have to have sex with Slade to get this strength? She’s so fake and I’d rather not go into this because Tamra’s basically said everything that needs to be said.

    As for Tamra, I like her. She’s fun and spunky, but her life is a hot mess. I like her because she dressed her age. She’s 40, and she’s hot, but she doesn’t feel the need to dress scantilly. Like she’ll wear jeans and a nice blouse and still look good. It’s a true sign of class when someone dresses age appropriately. But still, she’s a hotmess.

    As for the guys, Slade is a hot mess waste of life who is jealous because Vicki has a job. Maybe if he were nice, she’d hire him. He needs to pay child support. I love, love Don. He seems like such a cool guy. Lynne’s husband, much like Lynne, is a fucking moron. The jury’s out on Simon. And I like Jim Bellino. He seems like a guy who gets what he wants, and I like it.

    My 2 cents.

  • Rebecca

    Oh God Danica – are you Vicki’s assistant and Tamra’s long lost illegitimate half-sister rolled into one? These women all have problems –
    Vicki is conniving, self-absorbed and controlling. The reason why she did not try on lingerie or buy it is because she put on so much weight! Also as soon as Tamra’s money runs out and she cries to Vicki to loan her some, that’s the end of their “friendship”. Don is not the husband you think he is – he lets Vicki do her own thing because he needs a break from her and/or is very happy with his mistress.
    Tamra is vindictive, jealous, and a pot stirrer. She is jealous of Gretchen’s youth and also of her carefree lifestyle. (I’ll get to Gretchen soon). At least I see something rewarding in Simon where it pertains to Tamra’s creepy, low-life son.
    Alexis – airhead, ready to wipe her husband’s butt if he asks and so full of the “Christian” lifestyle. “My husband is a god” – oh hell no – anything for money, Alexis? keep on stirring the shrimp cocktail sauce for slimy hubby because one day some other blondy will take your place.
    Gretchen – yes, that little school girl pout and little teasing ways is getting nauseating. However, unless Tamra is Gretchen’s mommy, Tamra should mind her own business.
    Lynne is a certified nut job. Who gets plastic surgery but gets evicted from two leased homes. Keep on making those ugly ass cuffs, you’re going yo need the income sweety.
    Sorry, Maria – I was very long-winded in my blog but I thought Danica needed to be rebuttled.

  • kari

    Wow I hope simon keeps blogging bc he’s spilling some juicy secrets! I bet vickis uggg self did cheat on wonderful Don bc she constantly craves attn esp from other men. So she probably has low self esteem

  • VJC

    Maria, LOVE your take on these kooks! Ninjas and “martial values”? Loved that! Anyway, I love watching these nuts b/c it makes me feel like my life is so much better than I thought! Two plastic surgeries and they don’t even own their house (renters, right?)? The wife of a Mercedes-turned-tequila salesman whose house is in foreclosure but can still manage to afford expensive dinners, lunches, lingerie? A mother of 3 who has TWO nannies? (Why couldn’t the nannies give the tots mani-pedis??) Oh, btw, just where does Gretchen live? Slade’s house? Jeff’s house? Her house? So, out of all these ladies, only one really actually “works” to make a living? Regardless, I’d love to know the secret of keeping lipglass intact for so long! They all seem to have well-glossed lips w/ no smudging, feathering, or fading!

  • Anna

    Gretchen lives in her own house. She sold real estate for awhile and apparently had some money in the bank and I got the impression from last year’s show that Jeff helped her pay some of her bills when she was caring for him in the hospital. It looks like it is a townhouse from the photos.

    Yeah, Vicki “works” and the rest of them just hawk their own goods!

  • Danica

    I really don’t understand why people come on here to hate on all the housewives. If you don’t like them, why tune in?

    I’m genuinely curious.

  • kat

    @Danica- I can only speak for myself, but I am always waiting to see who will through who under the bus. Lately it seems to be the men throughing Vickie. I guess if you dont want to read the comments then dont.

  • vjc

    Well, Danica, here’s why I watch: I’m just an ordinary gal from the east coast. My life is basically like the lives of most women my age – work (house), work (job), more work (kids), and once in a blue moon, you get to breathe, and less than once in a blue moon, maybe take a nice vacation, treat ourselves to a manicure, or something “extra” as the hairdressers. But most days, as most of us know, it’s all about getting up early, rushing around in a frenzy, getting everyone off to where they need to be, getting to work on time, doing the job, sitting in rush hour traffic to get home, whipping up some sort of “dinner”, dealing w/ this one’s problem, or that one’s issue, etc., and feeling lucky if you actually have the energy to brush your teeth before falling in to bed and falling into a coma… So why watch? Because these gals “seem” to defy logic – Perfect houses, perfect “men”, perfect wardrobe, perfect lifestyle – and not a hair or acrylic nail out of place! And then you watch it all crumble and what’s left is the realization that, deep down, these gals are JUST LIKE YOU AND ME! In other words, the show affirms what we all really know: You canNOT achieve absolute “perfection” in your world, no matter what the camera might what you to think!

  • Rebecca

    @Danica – well the reason why I come here to vent is due to the fact that:
    1 – Bravo TV only allows the “positive comments” (i.e. this housewife is so beautiful, intelligent, where do I get her shoes mentality). Why bother commenting on Bravo TV blog when you know that your opinion will be thrown out. And . . .
    2 – I know that my opinions (good or bad) on Maria’s blog will be accepted and discussed with other viewers.
    In addition, for the most part I can reaffirm that most of the commenters on this blog feel the same way I do – the Real Housewives (especially of the OC) is like watching a train wreck, you can’t help but watch (a guilty pleasure) and that you can’t believe the lengths that some “housewives” will go to put their families and finances out there to make people think that they should aspire to their “lifestyle”.

  • hanna

    Vicki should leave the show, but really this whole show is scripted. Real my ass. Bravo must really they are pulling one over on us.

  • http://yahoo Tish

    Danica, you hit the nail on the head about all the housewives! I think the biggest train wreck right now is Lynne even though she’s not mean spirited like Tamra, greedy and controlling like Vicki, or a hot mess like Gretchen. Lynne is so out of it and in denial about her daughters,her husband,her finances, basically everything! I know Gretchen doesn’t have kids but I do think she was being honest and caring when she offered to take Alexa shopping. Lynne should have been greatful but instead she put Gretchen down because she felt like her parenting skills (doesn’t have any) were being challenged. And to have surgery when you can even pay your rent or deposit – what a moron! The priority should be your daughters, not surgery, not carelessness, and not becoming defensive! Tamra, I’m sorry but I think karma has come to visit you after being to mean and nasty both last season and this season. It’s too bad, but aren’t you relieved not to have to live with someone as demanding as Simon?

  • Lisa

    Vicki absolutely makes me sick. She is so fake and nasty and is in total denial about her true character. She has been absolutely terrible toward Donn – most men would have left her long ago. She should get on her knees and thank God every day for him. Tamra is her counterpart – no wonder they’re “best friends”. Her jealous and obsessive ranting about Gretchen needs to stop. It was so hypocritical of her to say she “just wants to be around wholesome people” when she is the one who grabbed her husband’s crotch when they were on the boat. Ewwww. Tamara doesn’t like Gretchen because Gretchen reminds her of herself.

  • http://bravofan.com Maria Diaz

    Everyone’s allowed to have an opinion here, so no problem, Rebecca. I only get uppity when people start being weird and abusive.

    Anyway, the Alexis/Lynne analogy is easy to make, even the producers made it. Clearly there’s a lot more going on in the Curtins’ lives that contributed to Raquel and Alexa being the way they are, but you can’t expect kids to care about anything other than superficialities when you (a) lead by example and (b) teach them that is what they’re worth.

    Frankly, Alexis talking about her TWO YEAR OLDS needing to know how to “take care of themselves” scared me. There is so much pressure on women to be perfect, to see it originate in their own homes saddens me.

  • http://bravofan.com Maria Diaz

    I think Slade basically lives at Gretchen’s house, the way people in relationships do, where you just end up staying at the other person’s house most of the time. I’ve heard he has a condo in LA, but according to their Twitters, they seem to spend all their time at Gretchen’s place. And yes, Anna, I think it’s a duplex. A long time ago someone tried to start a rumor her house was being foreclosed on in the comments, but it turned out it was just her neighbor, who has the same address but a different apartment number.