Oh, honeys. So much to parse from this episode! For one, this episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was not about the ladies, but truly about the husbands: from Frank Curtin dropping off his “babies” to get a little plastic surgery to Gretchen scoring higher points on her motorcycle licensing exam than Slade, it was all about the men.
Of all the husbands, Don once again is the most reasonable. Vicki has either spent some time in the therapists’ chair or has learned to tone it down on camera. What was interesting about the post-golf discussion where Simon and Jim insisted they were going to Florida with the girls (a conflict I feel is entirely producer-driven) and Donn said he wouldn’t go because he and Vicki have a different marriage, was the fact that this was contrasted with both Tamra and Alexis clearly demonstrating they wanted some freedom. Tamra returned to real estate and Alexis mentioned in a voice over that she didn’t like “sitting on the floor for 9 hours a day.” The point is: Simon and Jim may feel they have their little ladies under their thumbs, but both of the women clearly want to be free.
With that, let’s talk about Alexis taking her 2 year old twins to get mani-pedis, so she can instill in them how “important” it is to “take care of yourself” for all the hot boys the girls are currently meeting while at the park with their nannies. I’d like for Alexis to talk to someone who has experience teaching girls that their looks are the most important things about them. Her name is Lynne Curtin. That kind of parenting has really worked out for Raquel, right? In the end, Alexis figured out that high-maintenance harpy training needs to start at around age 5, as they are currently too young to learn the fine art of making excessive demands of everyone in the customer service industry. All in due time.
Gretchen and Slade took a motorcycle lesson, so they can run that scene of Gretchen screaming like a hyena when she got her Harley at last year’s wrap party YET AGAIN. That clip is becoming this show’s “Kiss My Ass!” which is a reference you’ll only get if you’re a devout watcher of The Soup, so sorry to everyone else. Anyway, Gretchen decided to be a “class clown” and disrupt her classmates’ time, which is exactly what you want when taking a class in an activity that’s extremely dangerous for yourself and others. Watch out for your lives, OC drivers! Here comes Gretchen!
Gretchy was far better when having lunch at Charlie Palmer with Alexis. How much do you guys want to be that someone put that waiter up to offering them “the Cougar” drink? They ended up getting the “OC Ladies” drink which is a tequila sunrise, served up in a martini glass, and garnished with tears. The “conversation” was mostly Alexis rambling about her perfect marriage to Jim. She said she would trust Jim to stay faithful while on a boat (perhaps a reference to the photo to the right) with a naked Gretchen. gretchen and jay and jim on a boat. And while Gretchen joked back that she’s “naked all the time,” seriously Alexis, have you seen the photos of Gretchen online? She’s not kidding! She’s always naked!
While Gretchen may have seemed reasonable at that lunch, expressing disbelief at that kind of relationship, she’s totally backtracked in her BravoTV blog entry and now says she would want a relationship similar to Alexis and Jim’s. Oh, Gretchen, you coulda been a contender. I’m not going to touch any of their claims about Christianity and godliness with a 40 foot pole. Sorry, guys. I’ll leave that to you. The scene is really, truly amazing and Gretchen’s looks are priceless. Check it out:
Raquel and Lynne got their mother-daughter plastic surgeries and the only thing I’ll bother to bring up from that sad segment is Alexa emerging as the only Curtin family member with an ounce of brain power left, when she questioned why they were getting surgery when the family was in financial trouble. Frank seems sweet, but stressed beyond belief. For what it’s worth (nothing), Lynne said on Andy Cohen’s talk show later that night that she got a payment plan to pay for the surgeries, and is still making payments.
Finally, the producers drag out the tired old storyline of Gretchen vs Tamra in the last 10 minutes. The blog post that Tamra wanted Gretchen to take down is up in its entirety at Gretchen’s website. I also have a handy-dandy summary here, because let’s say Miss Rossi is not exactly a wordsmith. Simon Barney actually filled in a lot of details of the Jay conflict in his Bravo blog this week, but it looks like as of today, all of those details were deleted. In it, he mentioned a conference call he and Tamra had with Gretchen and Jay, where at the end, Gretchen agreed she would admit to having had a relationship with him, but then shortly thereafter, hooked up with Slade and changed her mind.
Speaking of Simon’s blog, he also throws Vicki under the bus by mentioning that she was caught in a “compromising position” when the girls went to Vegas last season and that he didn’t want Tamra to be around women without “good marital values.” Or, as he spells it, martial values. What if the girls became Ninja assassins? OMG that would rule! Sadly, I think this is another incident in which the Bravo copy editors have utterly failed at their jobs.
Anyway, as usual, I turn to you to hear your thoughts on this episode. Should 2 year olds get mani-pedis? What do you think of the men hijacking the “girls only” trip? And do you want the producers to stop shoving Tamra vs Gretchen down our throats?