Is Rory Spoiled?

gilmore-girls-3-season-10.jpgIn ‘Face-Off‘, Rory leaves a very long ranting message on Jess’ machine saying that she’s “spoiled” and wants to stay that way. Presumably she means that Dean treated her with certain standards and, despite now being with Jess, she wants those same standards. This is her full message:

“I just wanted to let you know that this is the last weekend I spend sitting around like an idiot hoping you’ll call. Okay? I’m not going to be that girl. From now on, I want a plan. I mean a real plan with a time and a place. And I’m tired of hearing “Let’s hook up later.” What does that mean, anyway? What’s later? How do I set my watch to later? Later doesn’t cut it any more, got it? And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled; but guess what, I like being spoiled! I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn’t sound like something that you can or want to do, then, fine! I’m sure you’ll find another girl who doesn’t mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you’ll call. But it’s not going to be me!”

Is Rory unrealistic in her expectations of relationships because of Dean? Is she spoiled? Or is she just a normal girl asking for normal things in a relationship? And, given that she’s probably justified in her rant, why would Rory ask Jess to delete the message after she finds he’s surprised her with concert tickets? And why, after all that, does she look sad?

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    • Lathany

      Q – Is Rory unrealistic in her expectations of relationships because of Dean?
      Almost certainly in general. That’s because Dean, particularly towards the end, did a good impression of a doormat and was generally giving and giving for little return. A good example is the amount he was expected to mingle with her family early on compared to how she didn’t even meet his sister at first, as became apparent when they split temporarily towards the end of season one. However, the general case aside, I’m not sure it means that she’s being unfair here in this specific instance with regards to Jess’ behaviour.

      Q – Is she spoiled? Or is she just a normal girl asking for normal things in a relationship?
      It depends how much she’s asking for in general (which I wasn’t clear about). I found Jess’ reasons for not calling were unreasonable but not as dire as Lorelai’s angry reaction suggested – he said he’d ring her after work and then pulled a shift that finished at midnight (no, I wouldn’t have wanted a call then!). Yes, a little thought and he’d have called her at that point to let her know, but he was thoughtless rather than dishonest (ie. he did mean to call when he said it).

      What I really found was missing was some discussion between them about what exactly was wanted on both sides. Why is he always the one expected to call? How vital is it that he calls when he says he will and within what timeframe (eg. within the first hour of Rory getting home from school?). Rory and Jess need to have that conversation to find out what the thinking is on both sides and what the expectation is. And what both regard as reasonable when stuff like an extra shift happens.

      Q – And, given that she’s probably justified in her rant, why would Rory ask Jess to delete the message after she finds he’s surprised her with concert tickets?
      When I saw that scene I felt it was because he did show up she felt guilty about not being where she said she’d be (ie. at home) because she’d given up on him. However, I felt she still needed to have that conversation and therefore, even if she decided not to have it through the phone message she needed to raise it some other way. And she doesn’t – that part is mainly her fault (although, given Lorelai’s rant, Jess should also be raising this issue now).

      Q – And why, after all that, does she look sad?
      I don’t know. It could be because she sees herself as “that girl” that just takes bad stuff from her partner (as discussed with someone earlier the same episode?). Or, alternatively, because she’s sad that Dean’s moved on (it’s the first Lindsay episode). I was never sure which it was.

      Overall, I felt that this episode showed that Jess was very thoughtless and that Rory was unable to talk to him about things that mattered to her. Issues that both of them had throughout their relationship with each other.

    • Stacy Pitcher

      I do not think that Rory was spoiled. Dean was an excellent first boyfriend but Jess did not treat Rory right. He even admitted that to Rory after Liz’s wedding.

    • Jenna

      Spoiled doesn’t seem like the right word. Dean was in love. His first love, and he was intoxicated. Rory might of loved him, but i don’t think so. The first time she said it was to keep him from leaving, and we never saw a moment earlier when she realized she loved him. It was completely spur of the moment. Later in the relationship, she lost the bracelet Dean made for her and didn’t realize it until two weeks later when Dean pointed it out. That got to me. I’ve been wearing a bracelet with my boyfriends initials on it for a year and i couldn’t go a day without it. I notice its not there in minutes.

      I could list all the things Dean did for her that she would never do for him like wash her car when she’s not home or wait on her porch or wait 2 hours wile she looks at books. Oh and build her a car. How many 16 year olds build there girlfriend a car. Incredible. And at one point she wanted space. She was happy when he didn’t page her(ha!)for 2 days. But Jess can’t go a day without calling her. If he doesn’t call she stays home waiting. I think this is a sign that she really likes him. She really wants him. And I don’t think that’s spoiled. I think she could of loved him. I don’t think she did, but she could of.

    • Lia

      Someone might have already said this, but I’m pretty sure that Gregg Henry is playing Quinn’s father on Glee. Off topic, I know, but I wasn’t sure if it’s been mentioned.

      Anywho, back on topic. I don’t really think Rory meant it as her wanting what Dean had given her in her relationship with Jess, but I think because that’s all she had experience with that her level of what a normal relationship is was a lot higher than what it normally would be. Because Dean did spoil her, but I don’t think that she’s spoiled when she leaves that message for Jess.

    • mcityrk

      Was Rory spoiled? In general sure, especially by Lorelai, her grandparents, and the Star-Hollows residents as they all saw her as destined for great things and worthy of receiving special considerations. In specific relationships, probably spoiled a bit by Dean though not insanely so as some seem to think. Just a reasonably intelligent guy behaving in the way he thought would provide his best chance of maintaining the relationship for the longest time possible.

      As to Rory’s rant? While the anger was justified, it was expressed in the usual overdramatic GG overkill. “Spoiled” always seemed to me as more a codeword for “reasonable consideration” and “keeping me in the loop” as opposed to the overkill of “I deserve to be treated like a princess or else” though Rory surely requested removing the message without Jess listeneing to it to avoid it being interpreted in the latter way and totally embarassing her.