Here’s Jennifer Aniston promoting that doggy movie with Owen Wilson. You’ve seen one Aniston movie, you’ve seen ‘em all.
In an interview with UK Elle, Jennifer Aniston states that for her next movie project, she’d like to do a James Bond sort of film, something with “James Bond. Glamour. Daniel Craig. S**t-loads of fun.” Well, I’d like glittery donuts to start coming out of my elbow on a regular basis, but we all know the likelihood of that happening, now, don’t we.
Plus, seriously, Jen. SERIOUSLY. I think it’s time for someone to sit down with you, gently, and break it to you that hello? You are not a Serious Actress. No, no, no. It’s true. You are the hot girl’s BFF, you are the sad little high school sweetheart ditched for the more interesting glamourpuss, you are becoming a pathetic joke that kinda used to be funny but now is just really awkward and embarrassing.
Case in point. You went to a German talk show to promote your cute little doggy movie. See how perky you are?
(By the way, readers, have you ever noticed how Owen Wilson morphs into whatever leading lady he’s paired with? Look at these two. They’re like twins. Just like with Kate Hudson in that crapfest “Me and Dupree”. It’s a little bit weird. He’s like the human chameleon.)
See how cute you are? Yeah. Cute. You do cute. That’s your thing. CUTE. Even though you’re this close to collecting Social Security, DAMN IT, YOU ARE CUTE. Sqwee!
Two minutes after this picture was taken, you’re knee deep into a freaking dog biscuit after losing a bet. Really, Jennifer, you are making this TOO EASY ON ME. Let’s watch a recap, shall we?
You know, I want to like Jennifer Aniston. I really do. She’s the underdog, and I usually root for the underdog, but something about her just makes me want to change the channel and kick a puppy. Plus, dog biscuits, Jen? THIS is your grand plan to score yourself a role in an action flick and perhaps get to ogle you a little bit of Daniel Craig? This is it, huh? Wow. I’d say that maybe it’s time to stop consulting the magic 8-ball, fire whatever MORON keeps handing you these idiotic scripts, and perhaps consider another career. Quick.