Where to even begin with this episode? I feel scarred for life. And after you read this recap, you will too.
Let’s start with the most obvious: the drama between Vicki and Jeana at the lake, where three of the housewives (Tamra, Vicki and Jeana) were vacationing. Jeana bought her big gay friend Frankie to Vicki’s party, who we know from past seasons had trouble with Vicki.
He’s still BFF with Jeana, and she brought him to the party. Vicki was pissed. Tamra played both sides expertly: comforting Vicki, but going back to Jeana to sit with her for a few minutes. In the end, Frankie and Jeana left. For real, Jeana should have known better. How did she think Vicki was going to react?
After Jeana left, it was time to party, Spring Break style!
Watch as grown men drink beer bongs (Tamra, always a lady, only did one)
Fantastic fake, tan boobs were grabbed (the grabber here is Lauren, Vicki’s son’s girlfriend)
And Tamra and Simon….well, the alcohol got to them both. I’m surprised they didn’t incite an orgy on the boat.
Vicki is just as grossed out as we are:
Oh yeah, Ryan got a tattoo on the inside of his lower lip that says “Nugget”. What nugget is he referring to? A golden one? Tamra drunk cries about what a terrible mother she is because Ryan did something so moronic, but is soon back to dancing with Vicki, who in drunk girl fashion have decided that they are “BFF forever”.
Back in Orange County: Lynne goes shopping with her daughters, who are both extremely competetive with each other. They all wear the same size, which I know because they only said it about 10 times. The girls like having a “hot mom”. No one has uttered the word MILF yet. I still think she resembles a tranny the most. To me, this says “Come check out my drag show”, not “I’m a hot mom”.
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It’s Raquel’s birthday party and they are getting her a BMW, because that’s a “safe car”. Her and her friends try to order alcohol at the strange diner they go to, and the waiter won’t serve them. Come on, ladies. Get a fake ID or drink at someone’s house like all your other underage friends. You really think the dude at that TGI-Fridays rip off place is going to give you alcohol while being filmed? They also have the fake argument about getting double dipped in the tanning booth. Lynne seems Xanax-ed out all the time.
Gretchen’s story line involved her going to see her family and then crying while calling Jeff, who’s in the hospital. Such a downer, you guys. Slade Smiley must have really talked Gretchen up to the producers, because why else would they allow this bummer of a story line on a show that’s so campy? One thing I noticed is that this whole episode was about straw hats. Even Gretchen wore one:
Next week: Lynne goes to dinner with the housewives, and Jo De La Rosa & Slade are back!
[All images courtesy of BravoTV.com]
