• Wed, Dec 5 2007

Naked Keira Knightley, Tina Fey rips Paula Abdul, Whitney Houston sings, Britney Spears investigated for child abuse,Sherri Shepherd is a moron, and more

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Happy Wednesday, Snarky Gossip fans! I’ve got the Carpenters Christmas album going right now, my nutcracker collection on display, and we’re on full Christmas tree alert with every frigging ornament in the free world sitting in our living room. How about you?

You ever have one of those days where you would be quite content to just zone out in front of the TV, say watching every Drew Barrymore movie you own, eating an entire pan of brownies and polishing THAT off with some pecan praline ice cream? I’m having one of those days, but I’m fighting it, because A)I’m on a diet, and I’ve lost like 12 pounds so far and 2)I can’t really get away with it today, but if I could, I would TOTALLY be all over that. Ah, well – another day, perhaps.

ON TO THE GOSS! First, Keira Knightley, otherwise known as Boney McBoneystein, decided to get all nekkid and stuff for Interview magazine. Well, as naked as she’s gonna get, anyway. Here’s the pics:
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If you can get past the huge clavicle staring at you in the face, this just might be one for the spank bank. – source
tina_fey.pngNext, Tina Fey shows us all once again (as if there were ever any doubt) why she is pretty much awesome:

Tina Fey has no kind words for “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul. She tells the January issue of Playboy that Abdul was a “disaster” when she appeared on “Saturday Night Live.’ How so?

“In the ways she generally appears to be,” Fey says. “It was an ‘American Idol’ sketch, and she wanted to change parts. So Amy Poehler had to play her.”

Fey goes on, “A year later I saw her on a flight. We both looked at each other like, ‘Do I know that girl?’ And then we both had the same moment of recognition, and she was like ‘uuuggh.’ I saw it register on her face that she had had a terrible time with us.”

Fey says Abdul’s appearance “was awful.”

“I was pregnant at the time and probably a little moody, but I remember thinking, ‘She’s a disaster! I gotta prop this lady up and get her on TV.’ ”

source
Dear Tina Fey:
We love you and would like to have your babies.
Kisses, The Internet

Aww, yeah! Guess who’s back, babies? WHITNEY HOUSTON! Here she is singing “I Will Always Love You” in her first performance after all the drugs/Bobby/assorted wacky cracky in Malaysia:

She’s still got a ways to go, but I think there might be some light at the end of the tunnel, I really do.

Hey, boys and girls! Do you know what time it is? Yep – it’s time for the daily Seriously, What the F*%&, Britney Spears? moment!
britney-spears-5.pngWell, what has our favorite trainwreck gone and done THIS time?

Child welfare investigators are looking into “multiple child abuse and neglect” allegations in the custody battle between Britney Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline, according to court documents released Tuesday.

In a request to unseal parts of the case file, an attorney for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services wrote that there are concerns about the safety and welfare of the two toddlers, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, if they are left in their mother’s care.

Though the agency mentioned investigating referrals relating to Federline, the documents don’t provide details.

source
Surely the authorities are overreacting, right? I mean, Britney is just such a good mother, yalls. Here’s a quick video so you can see what I’m talking about:

Hmmm. Maybe that wasn’t the right clip to pick. Speaking of morons, what the HELL is wrong with new View host Sherri Shepherd? Seriously, is she retarded? Check out this recent dialogue:
Sherri “I Don’t Know If The World Is Round” Shepherd is at it again! During a discussion on “The View” today about Epicurus and the Greeks, Sherri said that “nothing predates Jesus.” So what does B.C. mean then, Sherri? It went a little something like this:
Whoopi: “When he was around there was no stuff going on.”
Stupid Sherri: “They still had Christians back then. They had Christians because they threw them to the lions.”
Whoopi: “I think this might predate that.”
Sherri: “I don’t think anything predates Christians.”
Joy: “The Greeks were first. Then the Romans. Then the Christians.”
Sherri: “Jesus came first before them, so…”
Whoopi: “Not on paper.”

I’m hoping she’s just pretending to be this dizzy. Here’s the actual video clip:

Good Sweet Buttered Moses. Well, in happier news, it looks like Dennis Quaid’s little babies that were accidentally poisoned are just fine, so guess what time it is? It’s SUE THE PANTS OFF THE HOSPITAL time!

The couple’s newborn twins Zoe Grace and Thomas Boone were mistakenly given a massive overdose of the anti-coagulant drug last month. The Quaid’s attorney says the twins “were very critical for a while,” but appear to have recovered and “everything looks good.” They filed suit because they want to prevent this from happening to any other children, Loggans said.

The 10 unit vial Heparin looks almost exactly as the 10,000-units-per-milliliter vial of the drug.

Three children died in Indiana from a similar mix-up with the drug.

source Oh, you can bet I would sue for like an insane, an imaginary amount. The piles of retribution I would seek would be like something from Scrooge McDuck:
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You know you’re with me on THAT one. Next: somehow, against all odds, Victoria Beckham got some Golden Lady tips from my homegirl Leslie Hall for her costume for the Spice Girls concert. Observe:
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And of course, the lovely Leslie:

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You can get more information about the spicy Leslie Hall; I guarantee you’ll become a fan. Next! Jenna Bush calls her dad on the Ellen Show:
OMG, I am so enamored with Jenna Bush right now. This almost, ALMOST, makes me regret voting Democrat. ALMOST.
Hey, remember Charlotte Church? Well, apparently her boyfriend is a HUGE wanker!
charlotte_2.pngYep, Gavin Henson, who is a rugby player and won some big game or something, got all drunk on a train celebrating a win, was puking and punching and cussing up a storm, and a whole bunch of passengers were (rightly) pretty irritated with him. She sure picks the winners, doesn’t she? – source
On to better things: the first FIVE MINUTES of The Golden Compass, my loverlies! Check it out!

This looks SO GOOD. What do you think? Good, bad, indifferent? I’m not a HUGE fan of Nicole Kidman, but I think I’ll like her in this movie. Speaking of movies, here’s the official The Dark Knight poster. I just have three words for this poster/movie: Cuh. Ree. Py.
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The movie is most likely going to have a bit of the Suck factor, but anything with Christian Bale can’t be a total loss. – source

In other kind of skeezy news, we have (for some reason that Baby Jebus only knows) Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo in a very awkwardly posed photoshoot.
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It’s like Martha Stewart came in and splashed all over the place. Gross. You just know Jessica Simpson is using these for dart practice…well, either that, or she cut out Vanessa’s head and put pictures of her in there instead. Kind of like THIS!

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Let’s see, what else can I tell you about today….

Yup, that’s about it! Until Thursday, I leave you this incredible masterpiece:
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Sigh…I think I got a little teared up on that one. Talk to you tomorrow, happy little Internet friends!

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  • cari

    Wow, and I used to love this site. You lost me on saying TDK will have a suck factor. Are you kidding me??!! This movie will blow the last spiderman movie out of the water. They have a viral campaign online that has been going on since last May. It is also the first action movie to have scenes shot in IMAX format. Christian Bale is the greatest actor out there right now. Need I sell it anymore??

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  • SoulHunter

    brit sucks…she is really gross

    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2313952

  • http://gimps.de Tanja Short

    The mentioned Nick and Vanessa pictures are great. I like to see they trying very hard to pretend like they have fun at this arranged Christmas that never took place.

    The Spice Girl comparison is hilarious !