Happy Wednesday, Snarky fans! So, this morning, my dog Harley decided to give me a little gift on the carpet in form of PUKE. He looked really apologetic afterwards, and even offered to clean it up for me WITH HIS TONGUE, because that’s how much he loves me, but I told him no, thanks. And cleaned it up like a sucker. He’s now lying in front of the fire showing me his Doggy DingDong and snoring.
Well! Let’s get to the gossip, shall we? First, face car driver Helio Castroneves won on Dancing with the Stars last night rather than Mel. B, which I was not happy about.
At least it wasn’t Marie “I’m a Doll Designer!” Osmond though, so that’s something to be thankful for.
Next, Chevy Chase will once again be on Saturday Night Live, bb’s!!! THANK YOU SEVEN POUND 3 OUNCES BABY JESUS!!!
“I met with Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers and they hired me,” Chase told me on Tuesday. “I told them I’d love to come in and do occasional pieces about politics. They’re paying me scale, which is more than I was making when I did the show originally,” he laughed.
– source
I am tremendously excited about this new development because Chevy, basically, is the bomb. Exhibit A:
Yes. Hopefully they won’t screw this up TOO horribly. Next: something I didn’t really want to see without preparing first with a large gin and toddy, a naked Christina Aguilera flaunting her pregnant belly on the cover of Marie Claire. Photoshop much?
I’m glad she’s happy about her pregnancy, but DAYUM. Well, I guess we should be thankful that she’s well past THIS unfortunate phase:
Ahem. Jake Gyllenhaal has signed on to play Joe Namath in an upcoming biopic:
The movie will tell Namath’s story as the promising young kid from steel town Beaver Falls, PA who rose to rock star status in the 1960s as the nonconformist socialite known as Broadway Joe, who would sit on the sidelines wearing a full-length fur coat. In one of Namath’s most memorable moments, he guaranteed an upset victory in 1969′s Super Bowl III, when his Jets played the heavily-favored Baltimore Colts, and delivered on his promise.
– source
Interesting…I guess. I don’t get into sports films much, but I’ll NEVER tell you if I teared up or not in the last scenes of Mighty Ducks because I don’t want you to think differently of me. Moving on – hold on to your ovaries, ladies, because heeeeeeeeeeeere comes a cute baby picture!
It’s Salma Hayek and her new baby Valentina. Don’t they both look gorgeous? – source
Victoria Beckham needs to go in for a touch-up, looks like:
Surely there’s a filling station she can stop in at; I think it’s only .50 to use the air pumps. – source
Speaking of Dancing with the Stars, which…we kind of were a while ago, anyway…..there be rumors afoot that Marie Osmond’s big fainting spell was a SCAM! I don’t know, it looked pretty realistic to me, but then again, this doll of hers TOTALLY LOOKS REAL:
Yep, she totally faked it. – source
There’s a new book coming out from Andrew Morton about Tom Cruise and yes, it DOES sound trashy and yes, I WILL read it. Here’s some stuff to look forward to (the book doesn’t come out until January 15 but you can pre-order it here
- Why Tom’s been dogged by rumors about his sexuality.
- How Scientology helped Tom deal with ‘intimate personal issues’ and ‘cured’ his dyslexia.
- What really went on inside Tom’s marriages to Nicole Kidman and Mimi Rogers.
- The inside story of his relationship with Penélope Cruz.
- The real story of how Tom met Katie Holmes.
- The behind-the-scenes story of Tom’s bizarre behavior on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
- Why Tom denounced Brooke Shields for turning to the ‘Nazi science’ of psychiatry.
- Why Tom isn’t always the Mr Nice Guy he portrays.
SQWEEEE! I’ll be adding this to my post-Christmas wish list. – source
Surprise, surprise: Britney Spears has an entire room dedicated to her favorite pasttime (and no, it’s not eating Cheetos or losing her kids): sex. Here’s more:
The plummeting pop star’s Mulholland Drive mansion is equipped with a double-locked, X-rated “Fantasy Room” filled with ticklers, whips and fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe. The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits, according to an “insider” who stumbled into the den of sin. “She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid’s uniform and a Cinderella outfit,” claims the mole.
– source
Urgh. Can you IMAGINE what that room smells like? Yeah, you got it – mysterious lady juices mixed with the slightly sour scent of desperation, bitterness, and just a naughty hint of Red Bull.
Okay, let’s put this puppy to bed. I just found the trailer for Angelina Jolie’s new movie Wanted and I’m slightly intrigued. Okay, I’m peeing my pants with intrigue.
Doesn’t that look GOOD! I can’t help it, I love me some Angie-pants. Well, that’s about it for today – I’ll leave you with this excellent Mr. T soundboard, because we all need a little bit more of his fliberty flaberty goodness in our lives. Ciao, mes amis!
