• Tue, Jun 19 2007

Suri Cruise and TomKat on Beach in France

Cuteness overload!  I so want to be on vacation AND I want a baby…haha.  Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes seem like they’re having a great time with Suri on the beach in France.  Oh to be rich and on vacation!

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  • Claire Cruise

    My high school sweetheart, Chris, posing as my childhood sweetheart, Tom.

  • Claire Cruise

    Just re-examined all these photos now.

    This is DEFINITELY my high school sweetheart, Chris Caputo, together with our biological daughter, SOPHIE (NOT Suri) and Katie Holmes.

    Look carefully at this guy. And look at the spectacle everyone is creating around him. This is a staged photograph. That is why the photographer didn’t zoom in too close. If Ross had, it would be obvious this is NOT Tom Cruise!

    Look at how dark this guy’s hair is (it might be even darker if he didn’t dye all his gray hairs…). And if he wasn’t so busy smiling his Chris Caputo smile, you’d see how full his lips are. Chris is also a bigger guy than Tom… and so much more of a FLIRT. Just look at him go with all the ladies that surround him.

    It’s like we’re back in high school all over again (ugh).

    This is why Tom Cruise just got his extra short haircut. This is the way “Wall Street Banker” Chris Caputo wears his hair.

    Where the h*ll are they?

  • Claire Cruise

    So like Chris Caputo gets to meet MY babies before I do?! Flown to France by private jet… after the way that jerk has treated me?!

    I’m furious with you, Ross.

  • Claire Cruise

    I guess Chris is now shaving his hairy arms and chest… just like our mutual friend/my ex-almost-boyfriend/Olympic swimmer wannabe, Eric Postel (the person who re-introduced Chris and me on 10-30-1983).

    All in the name of the less hairy Tom Cruise.

  • Claire Cruise

    Chris, you must also be shaving your hands. I remember your hands being much hairier.

  • Claire Cruise

    My, how you have lost so much weight since I saw you with that Caroline Basset Kennedy look-a-like b*tch escort last year, Chris.

  • Claire Cruise

    My, how you have lost so much weight since the time I happened to see you with that Caroline Basset Kennedy look-a-like esc*rt last year, Chris.

  • Claire Cruise

    Getting ready for YOUR debut, I suppose?

  • Claire Cruise

    Still waiting for MY debut. All while you and Bruce run around the world and Atlanta WITH MY MONEY.

  • Claire Cruise

    I WANT MY MONEY NOW.

  • Claire Cruise

    IF I DON’T GET IT SOON, CHRIS, I DON’T THINK I WILL EVER FEEL LIKE FIXING YOUR MOST SEVERE FORM OF LIFELONG ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.

    I ALREADY GAVE YOU YOUR WILD AND CRAZY HIGH SCHOOL DAYS. YOU HAVE YOUR MEMORIES, SO DREAM ON… AND KEEP HAVING ALL THAT S*XLESS S*X WITH ALL OF YOUR D*MN PR*STITUTES.

  • Claire Cruise

    I’M PISSED.

  • Claire Cruise

    Oh, pleeeaaasssse take Katie Holmes off Tom’s back without any further delay, won’t ya, Chris? I think the two of you are soooo very perfect for each other.

    And because you like cheating so very much, Chris, you’ll only get hitched to a witch.

    If you do that for me, Chris, maybe, just MAYBE I’ll consider fixing you, only this time with my knowledge and consent, for the first time in… oh, how long has it been since your last arranged r*pe? Oh, it’s so very difficult for a girl to remember when she’s always being dr*gged without her consent or knowledge.

    I think it will be for the first time since you clinched your engagement to Elizabeth: in 1997.

    A whole entire decade is a mighty long time to go without any h*rd-on, isn’t it?

    Try a whole lot longer if you do not give me MY MONEY NOW. That money was MINE before I was ever born.

    To prove my point, I’ll stay a born-again-Virgin forever if necessary.

    And so will you… (well, sort of).

    Currently, I’m at 5 years and counting. I can keep going if you, Tom and Johnny Depp would like me to.

  • Claire Cruise

    Oh, how disappointed all the extra people in this photograph will be when they find out that this was not really Tom Cruise.

  • Libraesque2007

    oh boy, the crazy train has left the station and is full speed ahead

  • razzle1120

    STOP IT CLAIRE! YOUR GOING CRAZY!

  • smartgurl23

    Cute family

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